Currently Listening Ciara: The Evolution By Ciara Promise see related

Wheeeee

Whoa... I miss you xanga.

I left you for myspace...and though I've missed you, I can't say I regret it.

Myspace is so good tome... :(

You guys check out my myspace?

http://www.myspace.com/naru_goddess

Indeed.

But it would appear I'm returning to xanga as well... though I've lost my inspiration for blogging lately. I'll return for real soon... only if I get crowded with comments.

C'mon people.

-Amanda Marie*

Merry Christmas and all that sh...

Yeah, that's how I feel about it.

I really don't care.

Can I tell you something interesting that happened to me at school on Tuesday?

Tuesday was our last day, by the way. I'm now officially on Christmas break. Whee.

Anyway, so the entire day was dedicated to Christmas boxes and Gingerbread houses.

Christmas boxes: Each small group is given a family to shop for, and a large box to fill with gifts. The box is then sealed up and decorated. The best decorated box is to compete against every other small group's box and the winner gets a pizza party. (Why does my school insist on giving a pizza party as a reward for everything? I f*cking hate pizza! What do I get if I win?! Food that will make me sick? Dumbass fags!) Anyway, I put so much time and effort into the designing of the decoration for our box. It was so gorgeous. It looked like something from a wedding and everyone thought so. It was genius; gorgeous; amazing... and after the competition, our box did not win. It was dumb... whatever. Elementary students were the ones who voted on it and they don't have taste, so whatever. Anyway, I was slightly saddened by this turn of events and one of the girls from my small group was in the hallway when I was talking to Mr. K about it. As it is, this girl had not been involved in any way in the construction of our box, the decoration thereof, or anything of the day... and she bluntly told me that she thought our box was ugly. I was pissed. Yeah, gimme a f*ckin' break. She sat on her ass the whole time watching us work and then had the audacity to criticize the finished project? Kiss my ass. I love you girl; I really do. But that pissed me off.

Gingerbread houses: Yeah, pretty much the same thing happened. Stupid.

It's dumb, right? Yeah I know.

You guys should all go to this website: http://bamandaspsychoticramblings.runboard.com

Go straight to registration and set up an account... and then go straight to the Fiction forum and read Rainiarra Luphrasey - Revised - Chapter One and Two... Please? And then, comment on the Fiction Commentary topics for those particular chapters, k?

Much love.

Your Ever Lovely Trekkie Baby,
Going Insane in Jackson Center,
Possibly headed for Mexico... or hell,

-Amanda Marie Davis

P.S. Yeah right, you guys, like I'm goin' to hell.

Random Update

It's been a while, you guys.

Y'all should check out my livejournal. http://www.livejournal.com/users/kagome_huyukai

Yeah, I've been updating that pretty regularly and I thought y'all had the address but I guess not if you're not commenting. And, you dont have to be registered to comment. You can just  comment as anonymous and put your name on it so I know who you are.

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I wanna make some quick shoutouts really quick:

Josh! You know I talk to you every day but I still have to make a shoutout to you... ridiculous, right? I love you so much and we've been through so much but I know it's going to get better. Please, baby, just hang onto me and we'll get through this alright. I love you!

Micah- You rock my world and I'm glad you read my livejournal. That makes me happy. We need to get together some time soon. I miss ya!

Rebekah! My chicka! I love you so much! *hugs and kisses forever* You're amazing and I miss you! You fill me with lesbianic emotions! LoL!

Mark- Yeah, you piss me off but I still care about you alot... whether or not I talk to you. Call me sometime; there is a lot of new stuff you may not know that I'd love to fill you in but... only if you want to know. So, I'm going to let you call me so I know I'm not bothering you.

Alex- One of these days I'm really going to have a good conversation with you. I miss ya! You rock though for being persistent and I'm sure there will be a great reward for that as soon as I can communicate effectively with you. Much love! *hugs*

Turbo- Incase you read this... I love you so much! You gotta call me sometime! You're amazing; it's official! I miss ya like crazy!

Alixx- hey, I don't know if you read this either... but I miss you too and I've been trying to get a hold of you. You're... gone? Where are you? I miss you!

Anyone I'm missing- MUCH LOVE! *hugs and kisses to some*

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 I'm hopefully going to Mexico from December 27th to January 3rd. I need to pay my application fee of $19.00 and then I can officially be accepted and go. I really hope everything works out... well, part of me does. It's confusing. I'm going to try to explain it to you
Half of me really wants to go to Texas and be with Josh for Christmas break... I think it would be amazing to get away from everything and just be with the most important person in the world to me right now... but it's probably not going to happen. But I still wish I could and I'm torn in two because of how much I just want to be with him and nothiern else.
Another half of me wants to go to Mexico and enjoy God and see amazing things he could do in the country... but that half of me is smaller than the half that wants to see Josh. I don't think that's wrong but... I'm really frustrated that I'm so torn like this. Since it's not really possible to go to Texas and be with Josh, I may as well just go to Mexico, right? But... I can't help but feel anxious about going to Mexico at a time when I could go to Texas. Do you know what I mean? I... want to be with Josh... so bad... so, it just... really doesn't make any sense why i should be anywhere else but it's not possible so... eh... it's unsettling. I suppose some of you think me full of nonsense and think i should just go to Mexico and forget what I cannot help. *shrug* I don't know. I should but it feels like something is missing.

  I worry so much about my grades... which is why they are currently the highest in my school; however, I feel constantly consumed with stress and worry over them because of how much thought I put into them. It doesn't help that there is so much emotional difficulty already with social issues in the school. I feel like everyone hates me and it doesn't surprise me that it's probably true... *shrug* It's OK I guess. There isn't anything I could do about it if it weren't right? Whatever.

Anyway... ask me questions you guys! Anything... you want to know, I shall answer. I want to know what you guys want to know about the time I've been absent from xanga. So, fire away! Whatever you wish; no matter how personal it is!

Much love from your ever lovely trekkie baby,

Amanda Marie Davis

Currently Reading The Austere Academy (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 5) By Lemony Snicket see related

BAM!

Hey guys!

   There's not too much new going on really... surprisingly... Well, it'll be news to you guys but it's not news to me cause it happened almost a month ago but hey whatever.

Josh went back to Texas sometime around the 18th or 19th of October... Some of you probably already know this... Yeah, it sucks. But, hey, we're hangin' in there. It was a financial issue; nothing more. We're still together and things are still great as far as our status as a couple. In fact, we're closer now even I think (if such a thing is possible). We have a bunch of great memories to hold us over till next year when he tries again. The thing is, I can go through everything that happened when he was here and pin point exactly where we went wrong financially and I know what we can do to make it work next year. So, provided he has a decent sum of money by then to use on living expenses and everything else goes fine, he'll make it OK. I think it'll even be better next year anyway though because I'll be a senior and wrapping up my education... That's so lovely. But, yeah, I guess for now it was just not meant to last (his being here I mean; we're obviously going to last). Anyway, it's OK. Life kinda sucks here and there but shit happens and I'm still alive. I'll be OK and so will he. We're really dealing with it quite nicely.

 Now, I need to say something to everyone who has been pissed off at me for not communicating. People, do not wait for my calls. I will probably not call you guys. This is not a personal thing; I want to talk to you all very much... but it seems like everytime someone calls me, I'm either in the middle of something, at work, or just not in the mood to talk to any living being. Now, if you really want to talk to me... email me? Txt me? Call me and leave a message! I'm not trying to make this all about you guys and not have me ever call you but life is insane and I never think to call the people I care about; what's up with that? Anyway, don't take it personally...
Alex: I love you like crazy! I miss you! I'm so so so so so sorry that I have been missing your calls. I swear, everytime you call me I'm seriously not there. But I do plan to call you sometime really soon... I... grr! You probably hate me. I'm so sorry! I love you!
Rebekah: I love you chicka! I haven't talked to you in a while. But then, it seems like we always go months without talking... what's up with that? Anyway, yeah, I love you. Your best bet is to email me and I'll get back to ya. Sometime we will communicate via telephone but right now... email me! Cause I don't want no phone to mean no communication... ok? trekkie.baby@gmail.com is a new email address of mine that you can email me at... I love you!
Micah: I'm glad you still care about my existence... we should get together sometime and do something. Let me know when you can. You never call anymore; if ya did, I might just answer... *cry* lol, I love ya man!
Josh: I just talked to you... DUH! lol I love you so much baby! Talk to you soon!

Anyone I didn't mention... COMMENT!

  I just made a livejournal entry last night... Isn't that amazing? Yeah, for real. It's incredible.
I've been spending alot of time with Paul Massie lately. If you know him, comment... I'm just interested in seeing who all knows him. But, yeah, anyway, I think for the last... 3 weeks, we've gotten together about once a week to go see a movie or hang out at Wendies for hours or whatever. It's been fun. Pretty much, I feel like I do alot of talking and that kinda sucks cause I feel like I suck up the whole conversation. *yikes* If he dislikes it, he'd better tell me... otherwise, I have no blame at all! But, yeah, I've taken to calling him Pauline... and Pauline is a dumb tranny whore. *gasp* Yeah, I started that last night... not sure what I was thinking, but whatever it was, it was HILARIOUS! Yeah... anyway, my parents love him to death, my mom wants to hook up with him, and I'm generally kinda sick of it. I love spending time with Paul but he's just a friend. I wish everyone would stop getting the wrong idea about me spending time with him and getting to know him. That's what you're supposed to do with your friends, people! Duh! Anyway, that's going really good though. It's really funny to me that I've kinda known him forever and we never really hung out... like, at all. If it hadn't been for him hitting on me at my brother's graduation party, we never would have hung out at all. *flinch* That's odd. But, yeah, me being an attention hog, I enjoyed his cheesy flirting. He stole my phone number and made up a bogus excuse to call me and I enjoyed it again. For all I know, I'm a terrible tease and I'm torturing him by hanging out with him but not going out with him... Actually, I've probably asked him something to that extent and I don't think I am. But, hey, it would give me some kind of sick pleasure and that makes it OK, right? Whatever.
I'm kind of rambling right now... I haven't done that for a while. At my school, even though the majority of the student body is immature and ridiculous, I feel like I have to be the adult. And I really am... naturally. I mean, I don't force myself to be the better person; it just kinda happens. I can goof off with my close friends at school and with the 8th graders and stuff but when I'm with my grad. class (11th grade) I just can't bring myself to let out that completely easy going, goof off side of myself. It's kind of insane. I find that the mature side of myself really is a lot more developed than I've ever really given it credit for. Like, when I'm alone, I don't feel that mature. But when I'm at school, my classmates really serve as a foil for my maturity and I realize how well off I really am. Now, when I get on here and rant and rave, sometimes I wonder if I'm living in a sweet illusion. But, then, it's been a while since I've done something like this so... back up off me. lol

  Last night on livejournal, I discovered a fascinating idea... Mental inertia. If you want to know anything about what I discovered, go check out my livejournal. If you don't know the address, you're probably not supposed to be there. lol. And, if any of my small group girls are on here, please forgive any language I use. I do have wierd opinions concerning cussing and such... so it's not like I'm doing something I consider to be wrong. I'll go into it more at another time but for now... just forgive and trust that I'm not a terrible person.
I need to take a shower pretty soon... like, really soon. Josh is going to be ready for me to call him back in like 14 minutes and I haven't even got my shower yet because my brother was in there... grr!

I gotta go, you guys. When I get the chance, later, I shall post again, OK?
I Love you all so very much!

Christian Academy students: MUCH LOVE! ENJOY THE WEEKEND AND A HALF AND SEE YOU ALL ON MONDAY!

Your Ever Lovely Trekkie Baby,
 Amanda Marie Davis... uhuh!!!

Indeed... there is much love to go around I'm sure.

Because, once again, it has been so long since I've last written, I'm not sure where to begin... so I'll just give y'all the update on what's been going in the last couple weeks, K?

  First things first... due to effed up nonsense that no one had any control over, Josh has exhausted his resources and has been practically forced to move back to Texas until he can earn enough money to try again. I have taken this very badly and have been kinda broken up over it. Most recently, however (as in, during the last couple of days), I have been doing very well and Josh and I have had a LOT of contact anyway. We're just as strong, if not stronger, than we were before he was here in the flesh and we're obviously still together. I don't want everyone going off on a rumor rampage and saying "OMG AMANDA AND JOSH BROKE UP!!" That's so dumb... You don't know how many times people have asked me, "so you guys broke up?" Duh! Of course we haven't broke up! Me and Josh?! Never?! Duh!
Anyway, things have been kinda hard to deal with. So, that's another reason I haven't been the most internet social person (or phone social) around lately... it's pretty insane. As it is, life got so insane after Josh moved here and I found myself caught in a lot of family drama that kept most of my mind, emotions, and otherwise occupied... It's not really an excuse for my lack of contact with my friends, but it's definitely one explanation.
Anyway, that's just the first matter I needed to say something about. I want you all to hear from me and not some other way.

  Also, since you know nothing of my school "friends" or the drama in that situation, it would be pointless to bore you with that nonsense. But I will give you a few basic facts that could help you understand some of the nonsense I may just end up rambling off anyway, K? I will assign ficticious names to these people, because some of them actually have access to this xanga site and that's gay. lol
1. Laura met me at the beginning of the year and latched onto me. Since then,she has been sucking the life from me as I have been her friend. Lately, things are going very badly, as I'm running out of life for her to SUCK. So, pretty much, I'm getting along with her very badly and I don't know what to do about it. I'm trying to be her friend but... some days, like today, we just didn't hit it off and I avoided her most of the day... She's just been really impossible lately.
2. Travis is a really nice guy who I'm pretty sure has liked me for a while. His girlfriend, Miranda, hates my guts and her friend, Alice, also hates my guts. Alice and Miranda have the intellegence of a rock... or an ice cube... but, then, I'm giving them WAY too much credit right now. They constantly violate the dress code and have issues following the lamest of rules... Anyway, Travis is awesome but I think I just made him think I'm a stalker by giving him a note thanking him for letting me cry on him yesterday in Chemistry... I don't know but he barely looked at me today. It's kinda gay. Anyway, whatever... I won't die...

  I totally can't even think of who the other parties are right now... but when I come up with them, they'll get top secret bogus names too... K? Yeah, it's awesome... Basically, though... yeah.. I will randomly rant and rave about at least the people above in the future... until that time... yeah, it's useless information to you.

I should go though because I'm supposed to call Josh about now... he's late so I may be back *shrug*

I'll return by tomorrow if not before.
Leave me lots of comments for motivation.
Much love!

Your Ever Lovely Trekkie Baby,
   Amanda Marie DAVIS